Urban Myths Of My Youth


I was in the seventh grade in 1984, and on one spring Thursday morning I picked on a green shirt and walked to my bus stop. The only problem is that one of the girls at my bus stop needled me over it to no end.

“If you wear green on Thursday,” she sneered, “it means you’re a horny bastard.”

I tend to take things said as they’re literally said unless someone lets me in on the joke. So, I sat on the bus heading to Largo Middle, wondering why this geeky girl was casting aspersions as to whether or not I was conceived in our out of the wedlock of my parents? It just didn’t make sense to me.

There was another big urban legend of my childhood, and come to think of it, this one doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense looking back at it, either. You have to remember that this was back in the 1980s when tight-fitting pants were still the rage. The “myth” (for a lack of a better term) was that the more a girl’s butt formed a reverse “U” in tight pants, it would mean that it was more likely the girl you were looking at wasn’t a virgin.

Crazy, right?

Just remember, don’t kill the messenger. This was the stuff we thought up to keep ourselves occupied. We didn’t have cell phones and social media to keep us occupied, so we had these myths that didn’t really make a lot of sense.


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