I’ve been doing this blog for over 12 years now, closing on 13. I don’t know if this is part of my Aspergian life or not, but I detest defecating anywhere other than in the home I’m in.
You probably could have gone through the entire life of this blog not knowing this, so if I spoiled something for you, sorry.
In my old age, I’m trying to loosen up from this idea, as I wonder if it’s somehow tied into my Asperger’s Syndrome. Yesterday, I’m in church (and I probably shouldn’t mention which church with what I’m about to share with you.) “You’ve Already Won” is being played – a Christian song (of course) most notably done by Shane and Shane. My stomach begins rumbling big time – uh oh. I’m now fighting a battle I’ve already lost.
My optimist’s brain sometimes writes checks I can’t cash – and I’m hoping to make it through the service before making it to the bathroom. But as the sermon begins (1 Corinthians 2), I feel another sensation going through my stomach. Can’t hold out any more – it’s time to go to the bathroom.
Sheepishly, I make it to the latrine. Oh, did I mention one of the reasons I hate doing the deuce in public is that I sometimes have thick, ummm, waste? I didn’t know what the flushing quality was of that particular bathroom – and I had no time to find out.
After extracting the waste and cleaning up as we all do – I flush. I hear the toilet operate, but not the sound of the toilet flushing down what I put into it.
Quite literally, oh crap! (If not in church, I would have said something stronger.)
Surely, there has to be a plunger in the bathroom. Nope.
So, I go back and sit down in my pew – that’s pew, not P.U. I wasn’t about to interrupt the service and tell everyone I clogged up one of God’s thrones. Anyone, not necessarily me, could have done that – but if caught, I would have given a full confession.
I thought I left my reading glasses in the bathroom – as I put them on to read the Bible off of my phone. Nope, I pocketed them when I realized I had them still on my nose.
We get through the service – and I make a beeline to the bathroom, to see if I had any luck resolving the situation. Someone was using the stall I had used – so either the problem had been fixed, or they were about to find the problem. Either way, me and my guilty conscience high-tailed it out of there!
Either it will be forgotten, or it won’t. If not – I’ll have another story to tell.
A Slice Of Big Pauly 